The thirst is real...
The contents of this post are not meant to be taken as funny or satirical in any sort of way, every documented fact of this post was concluded after extensive scientific and statistical research. we are not accountable for any type of new "daddy-related" obsession you may develop whilst studying this post.
Read through this article under your own risk.
DADDIES... sorry... let me say this again... DAD-DIES... That's right. One of the most important and controversial subjects of all time. Historically, questions such as "Who's your daddy?" date all the way back to the 1820's...
"Who is't is thy daddy?", Shakespeare asked.
Well, today I'm going to answer that question in a unique Nintendo fashion way, with the characters that we've all grown to admire and lust love.
And yes, you might be wondering, "OP, how are you ever going to guess which type of Daddy I crave?". Well I've got you covered. Every daddy on this list is a different kind of daddy, so no matter how strange your daddy-related desires are, we've got a little treat for you.
So, should we start? hell yeah
#7. The Eco-Friendly Daddy - Lombre (Pokémon)
Raw, vegan, and GMO-free greatness
If you've ever taken spanish before, you'd know that "Lombre" is just a marvelous abbreviation for "El HOMBRE" (The man). Name that fits perfectly for him and his gooey goodies. Brave, passionate, handsome, and just plain great are some of the adjectives that describe this wonderful creature and everything that he represents and does.
The Pokedex describes him as:
"Lombre, the Jolly Pokémon. Lombre is a playful trickster. If it spots an angler, it will tug on the fishing line to interfere."
Playful... (Wink, wink...;)
I'm bought... Lombre is your best chance at love if you are a nature-oriented person willing to endure candle-light dinners, yoga, and some classic wine and dine. He'll be the only protein you'll ever need for you to maintain that precious beauty, health and youth.
#6. The Latin Daddy - Captain Charlie (Pikmin)
Ay dios mío...
The one and only Mohawk god. With engaging and precious big round brown eyes, you'll never lack the much-needed eye contact in order to keep your conversations (and fluids) going on for hours and hours.
"This is Charlie speaking. Do you copy? I repeat, this is Charlie, your Captain. Come in!"
- Charlie
How can you not be sunk into his dirty talk? My captain?... Oh my...
"I seem to have come out unscathed, but I'm not sure about the rest of my crew."
-Charlie
Oh Charlie, Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting? Like Britney Spears once said "One, two, three, not only you and me"?, Because I'm in.
#5. The Twink Daddy - Tingle (The Legend of Zelda)
Map me like one of your French girls
I don't know about any of you guys/gals but Tingle has always tickled my pickle, He's the King that rings all your single dindles. with his excellent map drawing skill, he'll get to know every inch of you, your thoughts, goals, and desires.
"Alas, though I am already age 35, no fairy has come to me yet... My father tells me to grow up and act my age, but why? I tell you...Tingle is the very reincarnation of a fairy!" — Tingle
I'm always down for some magical joomba moomba, 35? Perfect age to be our new fantasy young daddy obsession. Tingle is the kind of guy that'll never bore you and will always keep things smooth and interesting
"Lucky! Lucky! You're so lucky to have a fairy! I know! I know! We should be friends! Yes! Yes! In exchange, I will sell you a map for cheap as a sign of my friendship." — Tingle
I'll take a map from you, any time baby!
#4. The Fifty Shades of Daddy - Bowser (Mario Bros)
Cage me diddy...
Chains, whips, cages, role playing, Mario Karting, and a lot more, are some of the fun things you and your new bae will enjoy doing daily. Because Bowser is not your everyday daddy, spicy only begins to describe him. If you're looking for some rough love Bowser is your go-to choise.
"I'm HUUUUGE! Even scarier up close, huh?" - Bowser (Super Mario Galaxy 2)
You know what they say, if there's a willing, there's a way...
"Cursed crocodiles, it's that Parmasan Plumber! and he's as big as me!" - Bowser
#3. The Sugar Daddy - King Dedede (Kirby)
There's no complete daddy list without our good ol' sugar daddy, somebody to indulge you in your every desire. There's no denying that everybody needs one of those De's in their lives.
#FEARTHEDE
“ The king of Dream Land! This big dude is one tough cookie. With his trusty hammer, it’s aim once, WHAM once!”
— In-game description • Kirby's Return to Dream Land
There's no more precise hammer in kingdom which you'll brag about with all your friends, making you the envy of all the village. Sometimes you just need someone to get the job done and Dedede is your guy for that.
#2. The He/She/He Daddy - Sheik (The Legend of Zelda)
(Reffered as he/him for conveniece)
Let's be real here... Everybody questioned their sexuality when Zelda/Sheik/Zelda stole our hearts in Ocarina of time while flirting with link and playing his magical harp. #TRAPS4EVERYBODY
Let him enchant you with his harp-playing finger abilities and take you to a whole new level of time-travelling adventures.
The most feminine daddy of them all will absorb you with his charms while kicking your butt without hesitation. There are no two ways about it.
"They say that, contrary to her elegant image, Princess Zelda of Hyrule Castle is, in fact, a tomboy!"— Gossip Stone(Ocarina of Time)
#1. The Patriotic Daddy - Trump Mii (Wii)
The Best Daddy Ever... Wii, Wii, Wii
The Architect Daddy, His daddy gave him a small loan of a million kisses, so now you'll be sleepless with his glorius magistics. Remember Kids, don't forget to use a wall for protection.
This nuclear bad hombre is the best daddy ever. there's no other daddy like him. Other daddys are not good. No Daddy more smarter that him. F*** you Obama Mii. DADDY TRUMP, DADDY TRUMP, DADDY TRUMP.
GRAB 'EM BY THE PIXELS
Because there is no migration for his loving sensation. Relationships take bigly work. That's why he'll Putin all of his efforts to make himself worthy of your admirations.
"Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?" –Donald Trump
Dad/Daddy/Daddies Word Count: 34
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